Thursday, May 24, 2007

Lost in PA and time

I was in the small town of Duryea, PA today, preparing to make a delivery to a mom-and-pop store. As I was about to enter the market, a man in a beat-up pick-up truck with out-of-state tags came rolling up. The driver, who looked like an overweight member of ZZ Top, called to me, "Hey buddy!"

I guardedly stopped and asked, "Yesss?"

"Is there a high school around here?"

My first thought: "PERVERT!" But, wanting to be at least civil, I responded, "No, not here. Which high school are you looking for?"

"One here in Duryea," the man quipped.

I shook my head, "Sorry, not here. The school district for this town is Pittston Area. The high school is in Yatesville."

Puzzled, the man shrugged, "Boy, am I lost. ...So, is there any high school right near here?"

Now I was getting a bit concerned. Hesitantly, I offered, "The closest is Old Forge, about 2 1/2 miles right up this road."

He muttered, "I wanted to find Duryea High School... So, no high school in Duryea, huh?"

"No," I reinforced. "The old Duryea High School was closed more than a dozen years ago when school districts consolidated."

Unwavering, he inquired, "Well, how would I get to it?"

I gave him directions, to which he stammered, "So, it's been closed a long time, huh?"


"... Boy, am I lost. What do I do now?"

Get into your DeLorean, call "Doc" for help and set your coordinates for the past!

NEXT UP: The 5th edition of the STUPIES, followed by the official unveiling of the newly renovated "Nullum Cerebellum Bomboli!"


Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Hope you are all alright! I'm having stupid people withdrawl!

Anonymous said...

where did you go? I miss you ..start posting again!

Kris said...

I am having serious withdrawl...hope all is well. Sierra is going to be taking up a regular "Cloud of Idiot Gas" column on Plastic Obsession soon...can you believe it I am so excited!?

Anonymous said...

Stop wasting our time.

Anonymous said...

So some guy asked you directions to the old high school in your town. Must have had a reason--nostalgia, checkup on something or other, doesn’t matter. Just because YOU couldn’t imagine why he wanted to find a building that was closed, he had to ask you SEVERAL TIMES before it got through your thick skull that he really did mean exactly THAT high school. Plus, you assumed that his scruffy exterior meant he was an idiot and a pervert. (And you were going to send him to SOME school anyway!) Your post says a lot more about you than him, none of it good. If he had your attitude he could be telling friends (or better yet, posting here) about his encounter with some yokel that he had to pump to get directions to a building that was a couple miles down the same road. But odds are he didn’t. Why? Some blooper stories are hilarious, but stuff like this isn’t worth mentioning. Drop the attitude and look for some better material.

Anonymous said...

What makes you think being from Skunksville PA makes you better than us TX rednex? FYI, while I was around Skunksville I thought I'd swing by to win an old bet I had with Billy F. Your momma was a big ZZ groupie back in the day, and my $100 said her panties'd still be up in that tree where she flung 'em right before we got down to bidness. They were. BTW, where do you get off sassin' yore papa?

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