Tuesday, January 30, 2007

REALITY CHECK!!!

More stories of paernts who ought not be... This one comes courtesy the Asheville (NC) Citizens-Times. a
Mother leaves kids sleeping in car to dance at club
by The Associated Press
MORGANTON, N.C. – A Morganton woman faces child abuse charges for leaving her sleeping boys in the car while she went dancing at a club, authorities said. Georgina Marquez, 37, was charged with two counts of misdemeanor child abuse after Hickory police officers found her 10- and 12-year-old sons in a car parked outside Fantacia's dance club in Hickory about 1:30 a.m. Sunday.
Officers discovered the boys while issuing parking tickets to cars illegally parked along the highway, said Hickory police Sgt. Scott Hildebrand.
A police report says the boys told authorities their mother left them in the car about 10:40 p.m. Saturday.
The boys were dressed in shorts and T-shirts while temperatures were in the low 50s, police said, and the heat was not on in the car.
Marquez said she checked on the sleeping boys every 30 minutes. (Oh, that makes it all OK, then!!) Hildebrand said the Department of Social Services was called before the children were released to Marquez, who was released on $2,000 bond.


What a pathetic slap on the wrist. I have no witty tag for this-- all I can do is shake my head.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Maintenance in need of maintenance

Last Monday, our housing manager/landlord "Doris" came to inspect our premises, as per HUD guidelines. In the course of her look-see, she told Mrs. I to watch the kitchen sink very carefully, because "We've had problems with the pipes before." Nice of you to tell us now, as opposed to when we moved in!
The fateful words rang true when our pipes started leaking-- no, pouring-- water yesterday. Upon a quick glance, it was clear almost every single O-ring (the rings which hold the pipes together) were loose, and one was completely detatched. We called maintenance and filed an emergency report. Within an hour, someone came, and rectified the situation. When I asked why every ring was loose, he shrugged, "Dunno. Must've been an oversight."
The entire kitchen was redone before we moved in: new fridge, sink, countertops, cabinets, tiling... How could you overlook tightening up the sink pipes?
Stupidity flare-up #1.

Today, my wife heard a knock on the door. It was a different maintenance man. "You have a problem with the kitchen sink, ma'am?"
You mean you didn't check the log from yesterday?
Stupidity flare-up #2
.
After my wife explained that the repairs had already been made, she pointed out what the problem was. "Every single O-ring was loose, and one was completely removed." Their response: "Not sure how that happened. Something must've loosened them."
All of them???
Oh, yeah, I forgot I decided to loosen all the O-rings right after moving in...
Stupidity flare-up #3.

And these are the folks in charge of making sure everything in these apartments is ship-shape. Brilliant!!!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Tracking in mud and stupidity

My family and I went to the library today. It was cold with scattered snow showers which wet the pavement and walkways. As we approached the front door, we noticed the sign the library personnel had posted: PLEASE WIPE FEET BEFORE ENTERING.

Um, on the sidewalk, since there's no mat out here? I'm sure that will help keep the library clean and pristine!!!

Friday, January 26, 2007

"HEADS UP!!!"

A small airplane flying overhead has just had a piece of its fuselage break loose. The fragmented mass comes hurtling down to earth, where you and a bunch of your friends are having a picnic. One person looks up, and inevitably yells those misguided words....
"HEADS UP!!!"
The natural inclination, when hearing that spoken, is to look up. However, rarely do you have the time. You're about to get bashed in the noggin, and you're expected to look up first, and then react? Shouldn't the appropriate warning be, "Take cover!" or "Duck!"

This is a question you can ask your neurosurgeon as you're recovering from severe head trauma in the ICU. ... If you can even remember what happened.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

(Lacking) Attention to detail

Each Monday, I make a beverage delivery to a small mom & pop grocery store. Every week, upon receipt of the product, the owner, Bruce, writes me a check for payment. ..For the last 9 months... Each and every Monday...
This past week, I entered Bruce's domain, and gave him the bill so he could write the check. When he returned, he asked me, "So. Where's the other guy?"
"The... other guy?" I hesitated.
"Yeah, the other guy," he emphasized. "The guy who usually delivers here."

Now, I know I did change my shirt since last week, but... I wonder if he's this attentive to his customers.

Monday, January 22, 2007

2nd today: Thanks for contributing. ...To the problem!

Background for this post: The Diocese of Scranton (PA) recently announced a plan to close many elementary-level parochial schools, and to consolidate all high schools into 1 in 2 different counties, accurately citing dwindling enrollment as well as a severe lack of funds coming into the Diocese through parishioners. This part of the country is heavily Catholic, and the outrage created by this difficult decision has been no small thing. But what to do now? Let's check in on Luzerne County to see how folks are handling the news, courtesy citizensvoice.com, the online paper from Wilkes-Barre, PA! (Bold type added for emphasis.)
Frustrated Parents Want Answers
BY ELIZABETH SKRAPITS, STAFF WRITER
PITTSTON TWP. --Supporters of Luzerne County's four Catholic high schools want specifics from the Diocese of Scranton about the consolidation, and they won't be quiet until they get them.
Frustration and anger permeated the Pittston Convention Center Sunday when approximately 300 people from Bishop Hafey, Seton Catholic, Bishop O'Reilly and Bishop Hoban high schools held their first joint meeting to work on strategies. These included withholding money from parish collection baskets, hosting an advertising campaign and protesting peacefully.
Parents are considering starting a private Catholic high school not affiliated with the diocese, similar to St. Rose Academy in Carbondale. Parishioners should also forego the bishop's annual appeal, said Bishop O'Reilly parents' spokesman Tom O'Connor, who chaired the meeting.
Seton parent Ron D'Eliseo distributed copies of a $1 million bill with Bishop Joseph Martino's face on it, to send to the diocese in lieu of cash.
"As far as I'm concerned, this is the only money he's (Martino) getting from me anymore," D'Eliseo said.
Great ideas all, morons with money! The diocese needs cash to fund parochial education, so let's withhold it, hurting the diocese even more for those wanting to send their kids to private Catholic schools.
Though I myself am not Catholic, my understanding is that it is NOT acceptable to question or belittle priests, bishops, and the like. Also, didn't Jesus Himself once say,"Rend to Caeser what is Caeser's, but rend to God that which is God's"? So I guess it's OK to prioritize my child's existence in his/her current, under-used school over the words of the One I claim to be a follower of?

You can keep your precious common cents, Mr. O'Connor and D'Eliseo. I'd rather you have common sense.

Introducing "Magi-carpet!"

As I had previously disclosed, my family and I recently had to move due to the fact our back wall was bursting with toxic mold. Our new place is considerably smaller, and the living room in particular is a loss of 12 square feet from that of our old residence. Our landlord, "Doris"-- most unfortunately-- has remained unchanged.
Today, Doris came in for an inspection. She entered the living room, stared at the carpet and asked, "Is this the carpet you had in the old place?"
MRS. I: "Yes..."
D, puzzled: "How did you make it bigger?"
MRS. I, baffled: "What?"
D, reiterating: "How did you make the carpet bigger?"
MRS. I: "We didn't. Mr. I had to cut it down to make it fit in here."
D, confused: "Wait a minute. Isn't this place bigger than your last place?"
MRS. I, losing patience: "No, the other place was quite a bit larger. Mr. I cut the carpet so it would fit in this room."
D, clueless, and obviously featuring an enormously short attention span: "Right. So how'd you make the rug bigger?"

To quote a line from the hit TV show "Friends," "I need to buy a vowel, because O-MG!!!"

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Critical mass

Another major television figure puts her mouth where it doesn't belong...
Rosie's Latest Target Is 'Intoxicated' Abdul
O'Donnell Leads Criticism Against 'Idol's Nasty Edge

By BUCK WOLF
ABCNews.com

Jan. 19 --Rosie O'Donnell is one of the 37 million TV viewers watching "American Idol," but don't count her among those who liked what they saw.
For the second day in a row, "The View" co-host suggested was drinking during the show and lashed out at the show for making fun of the people auditioning. O'Donnell and her co-hosts played a clip from Wednesday night's "Idol," in which a contestant, following an off-key audition, was roundly mocked and rejected by the judges.
"That's compassion for you," O'Donnell said. "Isn't that what America thinks is entertainment, to make fun of someone's physical appearance? And then, when they leave the room, laugh hysterically at them -- three millionaires, one probably intoxicated."
O'Donnell had joked about Abdul's demeanor a day earlier. "Paula was very thirsty last night," she said.
"That girl was sipping Coke every shot. And toward the end of the evening, one eye was wandering."

OK, O'D, who made you the moral compass of Hollywood? You, who has had a career full of relational gaffes and idiotic outbusts, dare to accuse Paula of being drunk, even though you have no proof?
You have no inkling as to what is and isn't musical excellence, but at least 2 of the 3 AI judges do. (Paula's questionable, but she's definitely more qualified than you are!) This is why you (currently) don't have your own TV show. You criticize how the show is handled, and judge TV viewers how intelligent they are? (Yeah, that'll win "the Phew" new fans!)
Yes, that IS what America thinks is entertainment, to the tune of a solid #1 in theNielsenn ratings. Also, "Odie" seems to forget that most people who audition know they aren't really Idol material, and are just looking for their 15 minutes of fame. Some use costumes and physical appearance as their gimmick or hook, and purposely subjugate themselves to ridicule.
Rosie was quite successful at 3 things: alienating the American public, making herself look like an egotist by tearing down another public figure, and proving that her failures at stand-up comedy and talk-show host were no flukes.

Additionally, O'D has earned herself a nomination for the "Just Shut Up" award at the STUPIES V awards presentations...

Friday, January 19, 2007

In the wrong place all the time

Along a straight 2-mile wooded stretch of US Route 11 in Northeastern PA, with a steep hill on one side and a river and guard rail on the other is the following sign:
WATCH FOR TURNS.

Ah, yes, my tax dollars used to place that sign were definitely worth it!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

We regret to inform you your joke isn't funny

I entered a grocery store today and heard two employees conversing. One was telling the other a joke, which was worthy of being deemed a stupid thing said.
"A man walked into a fancy restaurant. The maitre'D asked, 'Good evening sir. Do you have a reservation?' The man retorted, 'Why? Do I look like a (bleeping American) Indian?'"
"HA! HA! HA!"

[Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-nnng!]



Sunday, January 14, 2007

Welcome to Wal-mart. How may I freak you out?

I know some people may accuse me of making this stuff up, but... Weird happens! You can't create fiction like this!!!
My family and I entered Wally's World one day last week. We were in the midst of our harried, sudden move from our old apartment, so we were tired, stressed, and irritated. As we went through the door, we spotted the "greeter." He's an old guy who talks to himself a lot, misdirects people who ask, "Where can I find such-and-such?" and hovers over folks trying to grab a shopping cart like they were stealing it...
I was holding my children's hands; my daughter on one side, my son on the other, attempting to give the Geezer Greeter a wide berth. However, he came wobbling up to me and pointed at the kids. "Hey! Hey! Excuse me sir! Are those a return?"
I stopped dead in my tracks and blurted, "WHAT???"
He repeated his daft inquiry. I was stunned. Was this crotchety Joe making a joke, or was he serious?
Attempting to read his face, I got no clear indication. I had no idea what to say, other than, "No. She belongs to me, and so does he."
Equally puzzled, the man bumbled, "Oh. OK. I just wanted to be sure."

Maybe what I should have said was, "Why, yes they are. I'm tired of them and want to trade them in for another pair. You got any kids left in the CHILDREN'S department???"

Beyond bizarre...

Friday, January 12, 2007

Brittney SpeaKs. Run for cover!

Favorite PSST target Brittney Spears has once again made herself available to public ridicule and scorn by opening her mouth. I guess some people just don't learn!
“I noticed today that one of my biggest fansites is shutting down soon and I want you all to know that I do understand all the reasons that went behind making that decision, and I am sad to see it closing,’’ [Brittney] writes. “If I were you I’d be unhappy too if I had to read what I’ve been reading every day.’’ *Sources: AP and Pantagraph.com.
...If I HAD to read what I'VE BEEN reading?!?
Isn't that sort of redundant? Isn't that sort of redundant?

...Wait a minute. You mean she can read???

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Lucky? Maybe. Intelligent? NOT!

Upon returning to work today from an unplanned "vacation," I was assured stupidity had not taken a hiatus.
I was making a delivery to a small store, and overheard this dialogue between a customer and the clerk...
CUST: Yes, I'd like a $5 (Instant lottery) scratch-off.
CLERK: OK. Anything else today?
CUST: (long, pregnant pause) Umm... Yeah, let me also have a $1 scratch-off.
(CLERK gives tickets to CUST, and silently waits for payment)
CUST: Now, how much is that going to come to?
(CLERK, baffled, doesn't say anything, assuming CUST would figure out such simple math.)
CUST: (firmly reiterating) How much does that come to???

5 + 1??? Wow. I'm hoping this lady doesn't win any substantial amount of money. She wouldn't be able to properly account for it!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

2nd today: WANTED: brain

Due to a massive invasion of toxic mold, my family and I are being forcefully removed from our apartment this weekend; to wit, this will be the last posting on PSST for a week or so, until we are re-established in a new dwelling.
Upon discovering that our entire upstairs back wall (including the master bedroom and bathroom) has rapidly been converted into a Petri dish in the matter of a few short days, my wife called the housing manager to explain our situation. "Doris" hypothesized that we'd be forced to relocate and our home would be declared uninhabitable, pending an examination by HUD. An hour later, Doris's theory was confirmed. The inspector deduced (based upon the amount of moisture and the lightning-quick advance of the mold) that a major structural issue existed, just as my wife and I believed. However, Doris was skeptical.
"All that mold is because of your dryer vent. You need to clean out the vent hose."
SAY WHAT???
"Yeah, that's right. When these apartments were built, they didn't have dryer vents. So that's where all the moisture is coming from."
OK, then, Ms. Maytag Retard Woman, you want to explain to me why the vent is downstairs, and all the mold and condensation is originating at the ceiling of the second floor???

Do us a favor. Why don't you go see the Wizard of Oz to see if he has any diplomas left over?

Do I LOOK omnipresent?

Last week, my family headed out to the grocery store. Near the end of our jaunt around the store, my wife needed to go to the little girl's room. The bathrooms are right at the front of the store, so I waited outside with the kids while "Mrs. I" answered nature's call.
As we loitered, a teenage girl came up to us (the kids and I), pointed at the bathroom door, and asked, "Excuse me. Are you guys in there?"

Ummmm... I'm not sure. Let me go check!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

More parents who shouldn't be

Our local area's TV stations always report on the first baby born in Northeastern PA each new year. This year, the "honor" belongs to a tiny little girl born to a 14-year-old mother. The news crew went to the maternity ward of the hospital to get a reaction from the new mom. Holding the precious addition to the world, she informed the reporter she had been due 12/30, but the blessed event occurred on New Year's day at 3:00 in the morning. What was her reaction to how things had turned out?
"Well, I wanted to be on TV, and here I am! [Giggle, giggle!]"
Great. That's what you think about your responsibility?

If only teen girls would get the idea out of their head: BABIES ARE NOT TOYS!!!

Monday, January 01, 2007

Autism awareness

Note: Today's post is not in the least bit funny or peculiar. It's placed on the pages of blogdom to raise further awareness for the need of more education and action when it comes to raising autistic children.
As a person who has Asperger's Syndrome, a variation of high-functioning autism, I was shaken to the core of my being when I read the following story on AOL News, courtesy of the AP.
Toddler Found Playing Along Interstate (AP)
INDIANAPOLIS (Dec. 31) - Drivers swerved cars and trucks into other lanes to avoid a 3-year-old boy, wearing only a diaper and T-shirt, who was playing along a busy highway after wandering away from home while his mother slept, police said.
Some motorists stopped along Interstate 465 on the city's west side Saturday to take care of the boy until officers arrived, the Indiana State Police said. Damon Dyer, a 3-year-old autistic boy, was found playing on [the]Interstate...
"I looked up and I seen this little ... boy running down the middle of the slow lane in the interstate. I just could not believe what I was seeing," said Troy Crady, one of those who stopped to help. The boy... was unscathed as at least a half-dozen cars and a tractor-trailer rig swerved into other lanes to avoid him. Temperatures were in the mid 50s as the boy ran around barefooted.
Police said they traced the toddler to an apartment at a nearby complex, where they found his mother, Nancy Dyer asleep in a filthy apartment and his 2-year-old sister eating spaghetti off the floor. Dyer, 33, was arrested on two counts of child neglect and remained in custody Sunday, officials said.
Senior State Trooper Cedric Merritt said that when Dyer was told of her son's activities, she responded: "Oh, he got out again." (Really??? You noticed? NO KIDDING!)
Investigators said the boy got out his second-story apartment, went down stairs and got around a fence to reach the highway about 200 yards away. Child Protective Services took the boy and his sister into custody, and investigators said the agency also had been called to the apartment Thursday because the boy was outside unsupervised.


Clearly, some people just aren't fit to be parents in the first place, regardless of the child's condition. But obviously, little Damon's condition was previously diagnosed, and as such, Nancy should have taken additional steps to ensure the safety and well-being of her child. You can't NOT child-proof your home or fall asleep when you have an autistic individual in your care!
Autism is a condition which affects thousands, perhaps even millions, of people in the US. While some cases are more severe than others, autistic folks cannot operate on the same level as those who are not. Being autistic is like being enclosed in a dark closet, knowing there is a world outside, but not knowing how to open the door. As such, even when moving about in the wide-open world, autistics are not able to discern those surroundings properly. They require extra care and attention, something Ms. Dyer was evidently unwilling to give.

For more on finding out about autism, what's being done to combat it and what you can do, please go to www.cureautismnow.org.