OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

My apologies to you, faithful readers, for my less-frequent postings as of late. The stupidity well was starting to run dry, and then, for some odd twist of cosmic fate, the past 2 days have seen torrents proportionate to Noah's flood streaming down! The well is overflowing now... We begin with a great E-mail sent to me by localmusician which addresses a lot of oddities I've noticed in the past, with many irregularities I wish I never knew about. Well, you'll see what I mean at the end of the letter...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts" (talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts--"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish Chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Well, at least we didn't segue from the Chainsaw to the Sainsbury's peanuts! For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed to admit I'm of Swedish descent. Thanks again to localmusician for this.