The "X-pirt" ways in

Today's ex-TREMELY tragic tale comes from where else? Hollywood!
New best gal pals Paris "Still a tramp after all these years" Hilton and Britney "If I only had a brain" Spears are clubbin'! Ain't that just ducky!? What just blows my (by contrast) functional mind is the comments emanating from the mouth of Little Miss Simple Life. Thanks to TMZ.com for poisoning our intellect with these audible clouds of purple haze.
Paris Hilton has taken to MySpace to come out in support of what she calls Brit's "partying ethics." "For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling," says Paris (according to MSNBC). "She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting."
No, not in the least! I mean, there's no way all that boozing could have stood in the way of her judgment. After all, most wonderful mothers drive a car with their child in their lap, right? And anybody could have dropped her infant son on his head in the kitchen, I suppose!
I'm relieved to know Paris is such a great mom. All her expertise will go a long way helping out Brit!
...Wait a sec. What in the name of Roger Clinton is "partying ethics?" You mean there's unethical partying???

This whole thing reeks of a lack of common sense and a long-overdue trip to the Betty Ford clinic.