The Pride Is Wrong

A well-overdue moment will occur this coming June: Bob Barker, host of the ridiculously worn-out and one-dimensional game show "The Price Is Right" is setting down the mic after 35 years in favor of retirement. But before that happens, Bob took some time to flatter himself well beyond the point of being incorrigible with AOL News. Here are some excerpts of the interview.
...Hosting the daily CBS program - in which contestants chosen from the crowd "come on down" to compete for "showcases" that include trips, appliances and new cars - is "demanding physically and mentally," he said.
Yeah, it takes a lot of concentration to say,"You win!" or "Awwwww. I'm sorry," and to yank that microphone cord all over the stage.
To kick off his retirement, Barker said he will "sit down for maybe a couple of weeks and find out what it feels like to be bored." Oh, poor baby! I know a lot of retired people, and I can't categorize any of them as "bored."
He said he'd take on a movie role if the right one came along, but filmmakers, take note: "I refuse to do nude scenes. These Hollywood producers want to capitalize on my obvious sexuality, but I don't want to be just another beautiful body."
OK, I know he's saying this tongue-in-cheek... Then again, maybe he's not! After all, remember the scandal involving Janice Pennington a few short years ago? Yuck. I'd rather look at "Borat" wearing that neon-green bikini-thong than watch Bob buck nekkid!

All this is further proof that Bob's head is larger than life, and that he should be neutered (like a pet) before he becomes the next Tony Randall.

This ain't no multiple choice, pal!

I made a delivery to a small mom-and-pop store at about 9:45 this morning. This quaint little business offers a deli, small grocery, a check-cashing service and the ability to pay bills. These are done through electronic cashing, so some utilities are time-sensitive.
As I was bringing in my product, a small man entered, and told the shopkeeper, Peter, "I'd like to pay some bills, please."
Peter asked, "What have you got?"
The man responded, "Gas, water, and electric."
Peter informed the man, "I can process the gas now, but not the water and electric." The man hesitated, "What?" so Peter reiterated, adding, "I can't handle water and electric until after 11:00. But I can still do the gas."
The man replied, "Thanks, but let's just do the electric now."
Hellooooooooooo!? Let's try this again, shall we?

I'd suggest Peter ought to be nominated for sainthood for dealing with folks like these, but that name's taken already.

Politics and domestics, Sooner style

The following clip is quoted verbatim from "News Quirks," a collection of strange news stories compiled by Roland Sweet...
PICTURE THIS
The police chief, mayor, and a city councilman in Snyder, Oklahoma, resigned after the chief's 300-pound, tattooed wife posted nude photos of herself on a web site. Some of the pictures showed her with an American flag draped off her shoulder. Dozens of residents of the town of 1500 had demanded Police Chief Tod Ozmun's resignation, and the district attorney recommended an obscenity investigation, but the City Council decided that the pictures were protected by the First Amendment. Ozmun, Mayor Dale Moore and Councilman Clifford Barnard quit because they were fed up with the public attention and criticism of the chief.
The police chief defended his 43-year-old wife, Doris, saying, "People in this country do what she does on a daily basis." He added that he had long discussions with her about the photos but noted, "My wife is 6'3" and weighs 300 pounds. If there is somebody that thinks they can control her, have at it. I have tried for 11 yeas and haven't been able to."
Mmmmm-yeahhhh. There's a happy family. The man admits he tried to "control" his wife, and she looks for attention on the internet because apparently she's not getting it at home.

Guess we all know who wears the pants in that household.
Oh, no, wait. She doesn't.

Wow. Tough crowd!

A local eatery (if you can call it that, because this place should be shut down by the health department! ...But I digress...) called "The Chicken Coop" features local bands and other assorted talent on selected nights, with one of those big letter-boards outside announcing their upcoming schedule. Seems like the Coop wasn't satisfied with just being a venue, so they took up critiquing as well. ...I guess... The sign this past week read as follows:
THURS: "X-Country"
FRI: "Shoot the Moon" DUD
Ouch!!!

Nothing like back-stabbing those who bring people through your doors,eh? After all, if the customers have any sense of taste, they're definitely not there for the food! Methinks the members of Shoot the Moon might soon be looking for another gig to jam at.
INTERJECTION, dated 10/29: I learned from Shoot the Moon's website that every week they have a DUO at the Coop. (With whom, though?) So evidently, the Coop ran out of O's and figured the D looked close enough... The sign DEFINITELY reads "DUD!"

Stay tuned, folks! It's almost time for the re-emergence of the STUPIES, awarded for the most arrogant statement (Ignernt foo), worst gaffe by a public figure (Cloud of Idiot Gas), and general "Incredulous Choice" phrase from the past 100 postings on PSST.

Jerk-o-lantern

Simply file this under "Pathetic." The story comes courtesy of Pressconnects.com, the online paper from Binghamton, NY.
'Grinch' steals boy's HalloweenTheft of homegrown gourds riles father

By John HillPress & Sun-Bulletin
ENDICOTT -- When the pumpkins in front of his Endicott house were stolen two years ago, Kyle Konecny thought about putting a sign in front of his house to let people know he was mad. When it happened again Sunday, the sign went up.
"I wanted the people who did it to know that I was ticked," Konecny said.
The sign -- which reads, "To whoever stole my kid's pumpkins! Thanks for ruining his Halloween you jerk! He grew them himself!" -- was placed in front of the Konecny house Monday.
"I might have worded (the sign) differently," mother Eileen said. "But maybe that's a guy thing." Eight pumpkins were stolen from the front of the house; several pumpkins on the back porch were untouched. Neighbors this week saw the remains of a few smashed pumpkins at the end of the street, Eileen Konecny said.
Because the family had more pumpkins than usual this year, 10-year-old Dylan had been moving them around in front, trying to find a good place for them all. When he got home from hockey on Sunday, his mother told him the pumpkins had been stolen again.
"I felt ... mad," Dylan said. "Thanks for ruining my Halloween."
Pumpkins hold a special place in the Konecny house. Every year, father and son grow their own at Dylan's grandmother's horse farm. Kyle Konecny's birthday is on Halloween, and the family loves pumpkin seeds. The Konecny family has thought about keeping their pumpkins inside next year until just before Halloween, but Kyle Konecny doesn't like the idea.
"That's what drives me crazy; I want to put them out front," the father said. "You want to trust people."
Now, hold your gourd just a minute here. You're seriously going to let a few smashed squash ruin your day? I understand you grew the pumpkins yourself; but aren't there a bunch of them left on your back porch? What's wrong with them? Are they incapable of lifting your Halloween spirits? You know, I don't think painting a big "You're a jerk" sign is going to help the matter any, either In fact, you may want to bring in those pumpkins off the back now, seeing as how they're probably next on the vandals' list. The greatest shame is teaching your son that "Life sucks" demeanor, holding him prisoner to some smashed veggie matter.

It just goes to show you that the pumpkin doesn't fall far from the tree. ...Er, I mean, vine.

Befuddling bungling bandits

The following story was reported on WNEP-16 by anchor Marisa Burke tonight...
A would-be robbery attempt was apparently foiled in Monroe County today. Seems as though a man drove up to the drive-through at the McDonald's in Stroud Township (Stroudsburg) and placed an order. Then when he drove up to the window, the man showed a rolled-up newspaper and demanded cash. The attendant thought it was a joke and responded, "Maybe later." He closed the window, and the car drove off.

Too funny! Since when is a rolled-up paper a viable weapon, unless you're a bad puppy?
Maybe more people will follow this burger-flipper's example. Here's hoping, anyway.

Taking a product MUCH too seriously

Thanks to sublime from "The Big Question" (See the link on the right side of this page) for the inspiration...
Sublime asked, "What do you think is the strangest or most useless invention?" Instantly, a holiday season advert popped into my head...
"Ch-ch-ch-Chia! The pottery that grows! Makes a great gift!"
...NOT!
Have you ever been given a Chia head/pet? Do you recall what went through your mind?
#1: "What in the name of Blue Blockers am I supposed to do with this thing??"
#2: "What the heck? Why, that cheap little S.O.B!"
#3: "Oh, yeah. That reminds me. I have to take out the garbage tomorrow."

The ad should really say, "The gift to give when you want to let someone know you totally hate their guts!"

Looking for an early retirement?

My cohort Pat witnessed a "How Not To Keep Your Job" moment today...
Pat was behind on his delivery schedule today, so he called the boss, "Bobby," to ask him to call a couple of stores, notifying them Pat was running late and needed an extension on the receiving time. That task completed, Pat reluctantly headed to a particular area grocery store. I say reluctantly, because the store's receiver, Carmen, (I'm using his real name, since he is such a class-- minus "cl"-- act. Nobody likes Carmen, because he always does anything possible to make things extremely difficult for anyone who enters his domain.)
Now, normally, receiving hours end at 1:00, but since a time extension had been approved, Pat pulled in at 1:30, knowing his delivery would be received. So did the bread vendor. Carmen staggered out onto the dock, and started yelling incoherently. "Blah-bluh-di-ahm-blurm-argh-fmph 1:30!!!!"
The bread guy coolly replied, "I called and got permission to arrive late."
Pat concurred, "So did I!"
Carmen then started ripping Pat and Bread up one side and down the other, as if they had committed a great crime against society. Bread did not have a thick skin, and was mortified at how he was being treated, so he said, "That's it. I'm getting the manager."
Moments later, the leader and vendor returned. This time, Carmen aimed his venom at his superior, leaning into a tirade of obscenities. When the manager steadfastly held his ground that he had approved these late deliveries, Carmen pushed Pat into the receiving desk, grabbed his coat, and left. CLASSIC!

Now, I'm no genius, but somehow, I don't think being so unprofessional to vendors, cussing out your boss in public and leaving without notice is the best way to keep your job!

Contradiction and peasant blouses

So here we go again with yet another offering from the Christian sub-culture. (Which, BTW, is big business!)
My wife got a catalogue in the mail from a religious/educational company established by the Hopkins family today. The things people think it would be great to teach their kids! No wonder so many of them are completely confused by the time they're "ready" to face the world on their own. There's no way to paraphrase this effectively, so I'll just type the write-up on this book verbatim.
"Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty." Young women want to dress in style, but with that desire comes a huge responsibility to use femininity to bring glory to God. Written in a hip, big-sister style, this very straight-forward Christian book gives much-needed insight into what guys actually think when confronted with immodesty. Understand the intriguing, alluring power source that God has entrusted to every young woman for the holy purpose of creating a family someday. Take the "Truth or Bare" fashion test to see if your clothes are truly modest. My teenage daughters wish every girl could read this eye-opening book. Paperback, 78 pages, for age 12 and up.
Let's scrutinize this a bit, shall we?? (since it's so easy to do so!)
First, for ages 12 and up? Sorry Mrs. Hopkins, but if you're waiting until your girl is 12 to teach them about modesty, chances are you've already lost the war.
Second, point well taken-- don't let your daughter dress like a prostitute-- but if that's your message, shouldn't you avoid an allegory like "Truth or Bare?" Is this test one of common sense? Somehow, I bet not.
Finally, you're telling girls to be modest, but then, in your own words, you turn around and suggest they "use femininity to bring glory to God" and "understand the intriguing, alluring power source... for the "holy" purpose of creating a family." In other words, "If you got it, flaunt it, but not in those slutty clothes, girlfriend!" Oh yeah, and since when did having a family have to be of divine design? Whatever happened to having kids because you want to???

I've got a better idea. Why don't I keep my $8.95 plus shipping and handling, toss your catalogue into the circular file, and use my brain while teaching my daughter to use hers?

A.D.D on parade

Today I made a delivery to an area hotel for their convention center. The order advice called for 5 cases of lemonade, 2 cases of diet tea and 8 cases of raspberry tea. However, our inventory of raspberry had been depleted, so I only had the first 7 cases to bring in. As I wheeled them in, the receiver stated, "There's supposed to be 15 cases all together."
"Yes," I replied, but we're completely out of stock on the raspberry, so I only have 7 cases for you."
Bewildered, the man quizzed, "So what exactly are you telling me?"
How does one respond to a ridiculous inquiry like that? I could only think of one way, so I repeated, "I'm telling you we're out of stock on the raspberry!"
As if one dumb question weren't enough, the guy fired off another one. "So what do I do now?"

Answer: go back into your office and pop a few "Focus Factor" pills!

One more time: TWO ears, ONE mouth.

Today, I was filling the shelves of a local grocery store to whom I delivered an order. As I was doing this, I was wearing my uniform shirt emblazoned with the RC cola/Canada Dry logo. A woman walked up to me and very loudly asked, "Excuse me, but do you carry any of that diet sparkling water? You know, the stuff that looks like bottles of wine?"
Now, I've been approached before in stores by folks assuming I'm a store employee, so no biggie. I just said, "No, I'm sorry, but I don't work here. I'm just the soda delivery guy." (99% of the time this response clarifies everything, but this was a 1% deal.)
"No," the woman bellowed, "I mean, do YOU carry the sparkling water?"
OK, I thought, she wants to know what products I do or don't stock... "No, I don't. I just have sodas, Snapple, Vitamin water and the like."
That seemed to answer her question. Or so I thought, until about 30 seconds later, she hollered to me (loud enough for the entire store to hear) from the cross-aisle 20 feet away, "Yes you do! It's right over in aisle 9."
My patience wearing a bit thin, I appealed, "I didn't know the store carried it. That's not my product."
Holding up a bottle of the item in question, the Mouth roared, "But you do have it! See!?"

Didn't I say I didn't work at the store?
Guaranteed, none of her friends tell her, "You're such a great listener!"

Krispy Kreme and Wacky Tobacky

And now, on the "Don't You Have Anything Better To Do?" front...
Thanks to the Asheville Citizen-Times for the following article about the struggling doughnut makers' latest attempt to emerge from bankruptcy.
Krispy Kreme turns to tobacco veterans for fix, marketing help
By IEVA M. AUGSTUMS AP Business Writer
CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) -- Nearly two years after its stock collapsed amid an accounting fiasco, Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc. faces a host of lawsuits, a criminal investigation and declining sales. Meanwhile, efforts are under way in New York and Chicago to ban a key ingredient of its famous doughnuts, one that helps make the trademark treats so darn addictive.
Sounds a lot like the challenges faced by executives at Big Tobacco, and that's just where Krispy Kreme has turned to for help.
Last month, Winston-Salem, N.C.-based Krispy Kreme named Charles A. Blixt, a former executive vice president and general counsel at Reynolds American Inc., as its new general counsel. A week later, the company appointed Andrew J. Schindler, the retired chairman of Reynolds American, to its board of directors.
"They have long and distinguished careers at (Reynolds) and they left in pretty good shape. It's not a huge transition for them," said Mike Lord, a professor of corporate strategy at Wake Forest University. "Importantly, what's key is that they do have a great wealth of experience to manage under adversity."
...The latest threat is less imminent, but potentially more devastating. In both New York and Chicago, public health officials want to ban the use of artificial trans fatty acids, found in some shortenings, margarine and frying oils - ingredients in everything from pie crusts to french fries to, yes, Krispy Kreme's famous glazed doughnuts.
"These guys were successful in the tobacco industry fighting all the public health people, and here we have another industry with similar challenges," said Paul N. Bloom, a senior research scholar at Duke University's Fuqua School of Business. "I don't think Krispy Kreme can be accused by people saying they were deceived about the healthiness of the product - it's a doughnut. But that doesn't necessarily stop people from trying."
...But the company's financial troubles came at the height of the Atkins Diet craze, when carbohydrates were unwelcome on plates nationwide. And while some critics call the New York and Chicago efforts unnecessary meddling, the proposed bans on trans fatty acids are clearly aimed at fast-food restaurants such as Krispy Kreme.
For now, Krispy Kreme has one big marketing advantage over the cigarette companies - despite the worrisome trans fat push, there's no effort under way to ban the sale of doughnuts to minors, or locking away the snacks behind store counters. Still, Lord sees plenty of overlap between marketing doughnuts and cigarettes.
"It's one simple product," Lord said. "And they are both bad for you."

OMG. Lord, you have GOT to relax. Nobody who goes to the doughnut shop is looking to enhance their well-being. They want a treat, plain and simple. What has happened to America that causes an organization like KK to hire top legal minds to combat the anorexics and Atkin-heads? God forbid we should ingest something that tastes good!

Forcing your pardon, ma'am

Wal-mart can be such a mixed blessing...
Today, while doing our weekly shopping, my wife and I were in the electronics department, dropping off a roll of film to be developed. As my wife filled out the film envelope, a man with a cart rammed into the back of her legs. She paused, and then went back to work on envelope when the brute jabbed her again. This time, she looked up to basically tell the jerk to knock it off, and when she did, she was met with a surprised look and a sharp, "Would you please excuse me?"
A bit late, don't you think, bud?

To quote an old childhood line, "There's no excuse for you."

Editor's note: Our sister site, "People Say Profound Things, Too" will soon be changed to take a more paradoxal/ satirical approach to the current state of faith based organizations. After all, there's just not as many profound things said in today's world, darn it all. Beginning after the awarding of the next set of STUPIES, (just 14 posts away) you can learn about a new, emerging religion called "Incredulism" at http://mrincredulous.blogspot.com. After all, if L. Ron could create a whole new faith, why can't I?

Pardon my French!

Not all the good laughs I get while on the clock come while making deliveries...
Yesterday, upon completion of my route, I returned to the warehouse to overhear "Jake" (who, we have previously established, isn't the sharpest tool in the shed) talking with "Bobby," my boss. Jake was bragging about his upcoming major purchase. "I'm getting my new car soon! I'm gonna get one of those new (Mazda) Pro-teeges."
Obviously, he meant Protege, so Bobby prodded, "Isn't that pronounced 'Pro-teh-zhay?'"
Jake stood his ground and proclaimed, "No, I'm pretty sure it's 'Pro-teege."

With a chuckle and a shake of the head, I punched out and drove away in my Dodge Car-a-van.

Standing on a VERY small soap-box

File this under "Think before you speak." Today's posting comes courtesy of WNEP.com regarding winds of change which are blowing in the small town of Old Forge, PA (pop. 8,000), a tightly-knit, predominantly Italian community (BTW, nationality has very little to do with the story.) Bold type added for emphasis.
Old Forge Losing Its Charm?

Tuesday, October 10, By Josh Brogadir
There are some who believe Old Forge is losing its charm, as a large section of the downtown is being torn down. A CVS pharmacy will soon be a fixture on Main Street in the center of Old Forge.
Long-standing Capitano's Pharmacy is empty. The once-popular lunch stop Talarico's Restaurant is boarded up.
A whole block of buildings on Main Street will be gone, to be replaced by the new pharmacy.
"We're now emerging as a tourist attraction for people to eat good pasta, good pizza, so what do they do? They rip the heart out of our town," complained Candace Marino of Old Forge.
She came back to Old Forge because it was Old Forge. As each beam and brick of the buildings goes, so too, she said, does the borough's character. "We had eleven mom and pop places here, places where like if you were my neighbor I could go, 'how do you do today,' and you could go, 'great, I did great, everybody from Old Forge came down,'" Marino added.
Wayne Staff won't knock the demolition. He thinks the borough is changing with the times. "I guess that's the way things go these days, you know, progress," he said.
Across the street from the new pharmacy will be a parking lot, giving residents and visitors a good view of another Old Forge business, Dooley's Pub. "The more traffic that comes through, the more people see Dooley's, and that's good for us. We'll take it," said Mark Matylewicz of Dooley's Pub.
While workers at Dooley's Pub sees it as a gain, Marino still can't help but think of all that will be lost.
"Welcome to Old Forge. Now we're going to be the drug store capital of Pennsylvania, instead of the pizza capital, and that's not fair," added Marino.
Many of the buildings on Main Street between Oak and Sussex, including several apartments, have been vacant for quite some time. That hasn't stopped Marino and some other people living in Old Forge from promising to boycott CVS when it opens its doors.

"The drug store capital of PA???" Oh, come ON. Once CVS is built, there will be exactly FOUR pharmacies in town, plus a rehabilitation apothecary. While it's sad to see small businesses swallowed up by the corporate machine, I laugh at the thought of a small band of minions single-handedly bringing CVS to its knees with their boycott. After all, 2 of the other 3 pharmacies in town are also national chains. Will you boycott them, too? Oh, I forgot, that'd be POINTLESS!!!
Lastly, I must also note that while Old Forge dubs itself "the pizza capital of the world," Old Forge-style pizza is bland and tasteless, IMNSHO!

To whom are you speaking?

This past weekend, I was working for my company (Canada Dry) in the role of store merchandiser, meaning I take all the product out of the back room and place it on the shelves. As I worked along at a local Wal-mart, the Coke rep was also doing the same thing with his beverage line. Coke employees are notorious for not giving a toot about their fellow vendors and "taking over" any and all available space. With that said...
I had 3 pallets worth of product in the back of Wally's World, all in their designated (marked) spots. No sooner had I pulled out one pallet than the Coke dude took ownership of my spot, and blocked in another of my pallets with two of his own. Upon completing the filling of shelves with the first pallet, I went in the back and set Coke's two pallets off to the side so I could access my own. The second I reached the sales floor, the Coke kook got in my face and sneered, "What, are all of you guys (jerks)?" (He used a much more "colorful" metaphor.)

Three words: Perpetual Cranial Rectosis.

You can find anything at this store!

During my travels today, I passed a general store with the following sign out front: Any pumpkin only $2. Come see the new fall arrivals!

"You know, I'm not really happy with these new pumpkins. You got any wrinkled, moldy ones in back-stock?"

Dumb everyday phrases, revisited

"I've been tearing my hair out all day..."
Spoken when verbalizing frustration. But how many people do you see actually tearing their hair out when having a bad day? You think that really would make you feel better? "Ah, yes. I was so completely agitated by what was going on that I decided to replace emotional pain with physical pain. Do you think I could donate this stuff to 'Locks for Love?'"

I can hear it now, in a future conversation with my kids. "Daddy, why are some people bald?"
"Well, son/daughter, you see, that's because they have a lot of hardship in their lives, so they tore all their hair out."

Vesicare, anyone?

Today's post appears courtesy the Asheville Citizen-Times. Bold type added for emphasis...
N.C. State aims to keep students from urinating in stadium seats
by Elizabeth Dunbar, Associated Press Writer
published September 29, 2006 5:49 am
RALEIGH – The student sections at college football games are usually a little unruly, but student leaders at North Carolina State University just want the urinating to stop.
And the problem isn't just a rowdy bunch of intoxicated fans. Students say efforts aimed at preventing overcrowding in the student section at Carter-Finley Stadium led some fans, worried about being allowed back to their seats, to stay put during the Wolfpack's upset win last weekend against Boston College.
"They didn't want to leave the section to go to the bathroom," said student body president Will Quick. Complaints about urinating and vomiting in the stands soon followed.
N.C. State uses an online ticketing system that allows students to print their tickets at home. They enter the stadium by scanning a bar code on the ticket, but enter their assigned seating section by showing the ticket to an usher. Quick said many students make copies of the tickets for the main student section so that they can sit with their friends, who may be assigned to a less favorable section.
And so when staff and police officers announced the section was full during last weekend's 17-15 win against the Eagles, some students opted to remain in the stands — no matter what.
"It was a bad image for N.C. State and for students," said Quick, adding that he was especially disappointed that it happened during Parents' Weekend. "We're not all like that."

I can see it now. Joe Campus walks back to his fraternity house after the big game. Upon opening the door, his frat brothers notice the HUGE wet mark all over the front of his pants. "Wow. Must've been a great game, huh, Joe?" Joe replies, "Yeah. Jimmy puked three times in his seat, dude!"

Does no one exercise self-control anymore???

I have a confession...

The PSST bug hit me, too!
Yesterday, (10/2/06) I was making a delivery to a retail chain store. The franchise uses a scan gun to check in products and maintain its inventory. During the check-in process, the store employee must enter in the invoice number, date, cost, etc... The gal using the gun asked me what the date was on the invoice, and without thinking, I blurted out, "The twoth." (Instead of "the second.")

Yes, folks, it's true-- I am not immune from vocalizing stupidity, even though I ridicule it regularly.

2nd today: Stupid pick-up lines

I've never used them, but I've heard them. Half-drunk men who live in their pants make a B-line for some pretty girl at a bar, and then proceed to prove their "worth" but opening their mouths and letting words come out.

"Excuse me, but I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?"
What you really said: "Excuse me, but I'm a doofus. Will you please point your finger and laugh out loud at me?"

"Oh. Running a little low on cash. Guess we'll have to share a cab ride home!"
The truth: "I'm a worthless bum without two cents to my name. Can I sponge off you as long as possible?"

"I can't explain it, but I'm feeling this incredible energy between us. Can you feel it?"
Translation: "Man, I'm wasted. Are you wasted?"

I'm sure many, MANY others could make an appearance on this blog at a future date.

Argument goes up in smoke

Our local news station, WNEP-16, reported yesterday on an area hospital becoming a completely smoke-free campus, following the trend set by many other health facilities nationwide. While it's a nice little "filler" story for the broadcast, station reporters were not satisfied with leaving it at that. They had to find an idiot. And they succeeded, filming the input of a local yokel, who lives near the hospital.
On nodding his approval to the hospital's new policy, the guy pointed, "Adam and Eve didn't smoke, right? So if God intended us to smoke, he would've provided tobacco, wouldn't he?"

Evidently, this man has no idea what the leading crop of Virginia and North Carolina is.

Upon discussing this gaffe this morning, my friend Pat disclosed that the dude was his wedding photographer. What a small, smoke-free world!

A look says it all: a lament

Yesterday was an extremely upsetting day for me. I grabbed the paper and discovered that an old acquaintance of mine-- somebody I used to be very close friends with, was arrested and charged with inappropriate sexual contact with/ corruption of a minor. Apparently, this took place over a 4-year time period. In the article, a police detective disclosed that (my old friend) confessed to the crimes. When asked by the detective if he had similair contact with other minors, he "fell silent and stared right at me."

Sickening. You really can tell a lot about a person just by reading his/her face.