Jerk-o-lantern

Simply file this under "Pathetic." The story comes courtesy of Pressconnects.com, the online paper from Binghamton, NY.
'Grinch' steals boy's HalloweenTheft of homegrown gourds riles father

By John HillPress & Sun-Bulletin
ENDICOTT -- When the pumpkins in front of his Endicott house were stolen two years ago, Kyle Konecny thought about putting a sign in front of his house to let people know he was mad. When it happened again Sunday, the sign went up.
"I wanted the people who did it to know that I was ticked," Konecny said.
The sign -- which reads, "To whoever stole my kid's pumpkins! Thanks for ruining his Halloween you jerk! He grew them himself!" -- was placed in front of the Konecny house Monday.
"I might have worded (the sign) differently," mother Eileen said. "But maybe that's a guy thing." Eight pumpkins were stolen from the front of the house; several pumpkins on the back porch were untouched. Neighbors this week saw the remains of a few smashed pumpkins at the end of the street, Eileen Konecny said.
Because the family had more pumpkins than usual this year, 10-year-old Dylan had been moving them around in front, trying to find a good place for them all. When he got home from hockey on Sunday, his mother told him the pumpkins had been stolen again.
"I felt ... mad," Dylan said. "Thanks for ruining my Halloween."
Pumpkins hold a special place in the Konecny house. Every year, father and son grow their own at Dylan's grandmother's horse farm. Kyle Konecny's birthday is on Halloween, and the family loves pumpkin seeds. The Konecny family has thought about keeping their pumpkins inside next year until just before Halloween, but Kyle Konecny doesn't like the idea.
"That's what drives me crazy; I want to put them out front," the father said. "You want to trust people."
Now, hold your gourd just a minute here. You're seriously going to let a few smashed squash ruin your day? I understand you grew the pumpkins yourself; but aren't there a bunch of them left on your back porch? What's wrong with them? Are they incapable of lifting your Halloween spirits? You know, I don't think painting a big "You're a jerk" sign is going to help the matter any, either In fact, you may want to bring in those pumpkins off the back now, seeing as how they're probably next on the vandals' list. The greatest shame is teaching your son that "Life sucks" demeanor, holding him prisoner to some smashed veggie matter.

It just goes to show you that the pumpkin doesn't fall far from the tree. ...Er, I mean, vine.