A.D.D.???

I promised I'd never blog about something a family member said, but this just takes the cake!
I came home from work today, and had been in the door about 3 minutes when my 5-year-old son looked at me and asked, "Daddy, did you come home?"

Oy ve.

And the STUPIE goes to...

Congrats go to America's weatherman, WNEP-16's Tom Clark, on his mindless utterance of complete ineptitude on Sept. 23!

Tonight, he (Tom) was in the process of announcing the local next-day outlook, and the graphic came up spelled "Partly Coudy." So he acknowledged the error with the following comment:
"That's supposed to read 'cloudy.' My computer left out the 'W'."

I have called the station's "Talkback" line to notify the winner.
Thanks for your votes! We'll do it again soon!

Could I please see that in writing?

On the NBC news tonight, they reported the story of the New Orleans Saints football team. Due to severe damage to their home stadium, the Superdome, the Saints have played home games in New York, San Antonio, TX, and Baton Rouge, LA. Speculation exists that they may attempt to permanently relocate to Los Angeles. Cue the dense fan!
"Yes, the Saints belong in L.A., but they belong in the right L.A.-- New Orleans, L.A!"

Looks OK in print, but this was a spoken comment.

Mixed metaphors

As the workday began today, my supervisor "Jan" went on a ranting, incoherent tirade about everyone working right up to 3:25, leaving only 5 minutes to clean up and wrap up loose ends. After all, according to her, "It's only fair, because some of you are standing around 10 minutes waiting for the bell to ring, you know, while others are running around finishing their work. You know, it's only fair to all."
(I think that she then wanted to say "What's good for the goose is good for the gander," but instead, a sudden fit of cranial rectosis set in. Open mouth, insert foot!)
"...You know, if the shoe fits, then put it on, but if it doesn't, then throw it in the garbage, you know?"

...Must... not... laugh... in Jan's... face.... Must... master... emotions... Can't... help it-- WAAAH-HAH-HAHA-HAH-HUH-HA!

Bart cain't count, neither

(INTERJECTION #1: "Bart" is a diehard redneck. Not a cowboy. Not a wrangler. A certunfied, blue-blooded good-ol' REDNECK.)
Near the end of my work-day, Bart came back to where I was working, and notified me that my boss "Jan" wanted to move me to a different department for the rest of the day. He said, "I think we're OK. We're like 20 orders ahead of the pickers."
(INTERJECTION #2: Our orders are numbered by 10's and end in the digit "1.")
I said, "Actually, we're 12 ahead. I just checked 5 minutes ago."
"Naw, we've got to be more than that. They're doing order #3971."
"Right," I noted, "And I'm working on #4091."
"We're farther ahead than that!" he defied.
I showed Bart the order I was doing.
"I must have miscounted where the pickers were at," he muttered.
...Moments later, I was working in the picking department, and Bart sauntered up.
"Yeah, see? We're farther ahead than 12. Look at all the orders on the shelf!"
"Yes," I informed him, "And half of them are ahead of where we're at!"
"No it isn't," he contradicted, and started counting the orders.
"Why are you counting that wave?" I mused.
"Because it's #4251!"
"Right," I countered,"And you're on #4091! You can't count a wave that we haven't gotten to yet!" I placed my hand on the shelf where #4091 was. "You only count the orders that precede that number! See, 1,2,3...12!"
Bart vacantly stared, (I've seen that look on his face before! When was that? Oh, yeah, the hat!) turned, and bumbled away, muttering, "I KNOW we're farther ahead than that."

This is the man who once claimed that he didn't need a college education, because he was so knowledgeable!

Bart's got his beer goggles on

At work today, "Bart" and I got ready to begin our duties. Suddenly, he noticed a someone's hat (part of our uniform) on top of a rack of garments.
"Did you leave your hat here last night?" he asked me.
(Mind you, I'm wearing my hat.) "No," I replied.
"You sure?" he inquired, looking at me with a confused look.
I tipped my hat, and assured him, "Yeah, I'm sure."
Bart's cognitive faculties were still not functioning. "You sure that's not your hat?"
I deliberately waved my hat and said, "Yes, I'm pretty sure, since I've got my hat on!"
Still not completely convinced, Bart blankly stared at me for a moment, then gazed back at the other cap and said, "Oh. It's just that this one looks a lot like yours."
A UNIFORM hat.

Mind you, mentally speaking, Bart's not the most sure-footed of steeds in the pasture.

Could this win a future STUPIE? Don't forget to vote for your nominee posted on 10/17! The winner will be announced shortly!

Crime doesn't pay

About a year ago, a high-profile murder suspect, Hugo Selinski, and an accomplice, Tim Bolton, escaped from the Luzerne County (PA) correctional facility but climbing out a 7th story window with bedsheets. First problem was, the bed sheets were only 5 stories long, and being that Tim had gone first, he got pushed off the end by Hugo, crashed onto an expanded roof landing, and became Hugo's personal pillow. Hugo was on the lam for 3 days and recaptured; Tim suffered spinal cord injuries in the fall and is now confined to a wheelchair.
Well, you know it's always somebody else's fault, so Tim has filed suit against Luzerne County and several prison guards, claiming, "If security would have been tighter, I wouldn't have been able to escape."

(Quoted County Commissioner Greg Skrepenak, "He serves as a human mattress for Hugo, and we're the ones who are to blame for it?")

When they operated on his spine, the doctors should have also performed a brain implantation.

A little privacy, please! Thanks???

My old bud, Pat, amongst his many strange travels, encountered the following sign posted on the bathroom door at a convenience store:
"Lock doesn't work. Ask store manager for key."

And the key does...what?

An appointment nowhere

One of my co-workers made it a HUGE point to announce that she was leaving early to go to her new doctor. Only one tiny little detail was overlooked....
"I don't know where his office is."

...But I'm going anyway!

Hasn't grabbed the concept

My wife recently attended a homeschool conference. (My wife is an excellent certified teacher, BTW!) Many at the conference were inquiring about how to homeschool; they had not yet ever done it. One particular discussion covered how to write effective lesson plans. A potential rookie teacher asked, "When your child recites something, does it have to be orally?"

Dr. Webster? ...Calling Dr. Webster!

No, good readers, most homeschool parents aren't this clueless! Honestly!

The STUPIE needs your vote, and every vote counts! Check out the nominees posted on 10/17...

"Dumb and Richer"

So I'm reading the story of Steve West from Medford, OR, the purported winner (singular) of the $340M Powerball jackpot. He waited 3 whole days before contacting a local TV station to claim he has the winning numbers. He, and apparently, some of his relatives, bought $40 worth of tickets to play. Several aspects of this story just don't add up. I don't mean I think the guy is lying; just that some of this is completely devoid of rationalism... For instance:
"We didn't watch the Powerball drawing."
Then why did you shell out $40???

"We got a call from other family members saying, 'I can't believe it, some of these numbers are matching.' And then she (a relative) started saying, 'All these numbers are matching.' And we thought, 'Wow.'"
What, was this a conference call? And if you didn't watch the drawing, instead getting the winning numbers from powerball.com, were you all logged onto your PC's at the same time, while you were on said call?

"I'm told by everybody that this is a life-changing situation, and I didn't plan on wanting to change that much."
Nah. Gobs and gobs of money will never change your life, so why plan to want to change?
Wait... PLAN to WANT?

"Of course, everybody dreams of winning the lottery, but I've never really made plans of what I would buy, because it never went that in-depth."
Hey honey, I hope we win $340M, not so we can buy stuff; just so we can have the money lying around.

I have an idea, Steve. Why don't you buy yourself a trip to see the Wizard of Oz? Maybe he'll give you a brain.

Maybe one of these comments will win a future STUPIE. Nominees for the first award is posted on 10/17. Please vote!

No dying zone

The following are excerpts from a Reuters news story entitled, "Dead Man Gets Parking Ticket."

Australian authorities have apologized to the family of an elderly man who was given a parking ticket while he lay dead in his car in a suburban shopping center.
The 71-year-old man... went missing nine days ago and his body was found in his car in a shopping mall car park...
A parking ticket had been placed on the car the day before his body was found.
...Local mayor Denham told Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio on Friday, "The circumstances surrounding the location of this poor fellow must make it all the harder for the family. It is simply a case of the parking officer not noticing."

Not noticing??? Who was the parking officer, Charles Stevenson?
(Don't get it? see the other post from today.)

Have you voted for your choice to win the STUPIE award? View the nominees on 10/17's post...

Pledge drive gaffe #2

As the pledge drive continues for local public radio station WVIA, the 2 emcees continue to demonstrate that the arts do not necessarily stimulate the mind. Case in point: Jim ("I wish we had problems like that here..."--Awkward segue, 10/19) is talking about how much he enjoys the program "All That Jazz" which is hosted by George, the other emcee...
JIM: Where else can you hear such great jazz artists like... Ray Stevenson?
GEORGE: Ray who?
JIM: Ray Stevenson!
GEORGE: WHO??
JIM: The blind guy who plays the piano!
GEORGE, firmly: "Charles."
JIM, without even a momentary pause: Ah, yes, Charles Stevenson.

Thinking, thy name is "muddled."

Time is running out to vote for your fave to receive the STUPIE award! Nominations are posted on 10/17... Join the fun and participate!

"Entitled to his entitlements"

For today's stupidity fix, you'll have to go to sierra's post-- dated October 20-- on www.cloudofidiotgas.blogspot.com.
This was an absolutely beautiful (from a humor standpoint) story, and I couldn't possibly tell it any better! I especially loved the Red Foreman outtake!
BTW, thanks, sierra, for the creds! Now you know that it doesn't make any difference whether it's American politics or Canadian politics. Bottom line: politics is a boiling-over cauldron of sheer stupidity!

Don't forget to vote for your fave for winner of the first STUPIE award! Nominees are on the post dated 10/17.

Extremely awkward segue

Our local public radio station is having a pledge drive in an all-too-regular attempt to solicit funds for programming support. Often, the emcee(s) paint a doom-and-gloom scenario about how so many programs that they feature are at risk of being cut because there's not enough cash to continue airing them. Today, the first emcee was talking to the second about how much one can learn from National Public Radio...
"You know what I learned from NPR today? I found out that "Wilma" is the last named hurricane this year, and if there are any other tropical storms, they'll have to start using letters from the Greek alphabet."
Emcee #2 blurts out, "Yes, that's true. I wish we had problems like that here at WVIA..."

"I cant, I can't think anymore; it hurts!" --Uncle Billy Bailey on "It's A Wonderful Life"

Don't forget to cast your vote for the winner of the first STUPIE award! The list of nominees are posted on 10/17...

ANNOUNCING THE FIRST "STUPIE" AWARD!

Upon my 100th post, or the end of this month (whichever comes first) I will be handing out the first STUPIE award to the most inane thing spoken amongst the many listed on this blog. I have selected a few nominations. I am requesting input from you, my good friends and readers. Simply post a comment on any post from here on out, choosing your fave to receive the STUPIE!
(Winners will receive a cassette tape of a looped recording of Nelson from the Simpsons saying, "Ha- ha!" Emblazoned on the j-card will be the inscription "People Say Stupid Things." thanks to my official Sharpie pen.)

The nominees for the first-ever STUPIE are, in no particular order...
"Philadelphia's a lot closer to PA than NJ is." --Stop at the Exxon, 8/31
"..Since you've accepted [the gospel tract], now you have to read it or you WILL go to hell." --blitzkrieg Evangelism, 10/4
"That [graphic] should read 'cloudy.' My computer left off the 'W.'" --Hukt on foniks, 9/23
"[Bart's] in the bathroom." "What's he doing?" --Requesting too much information, 10/17
"What's the number for the operator?" --Can you say... Duuuuuuh?, 8/18
"You're pregnant? Really? But you weren't last year!" --Eternal fetal syndrome, 9/10

Thanks for participating and voting for the STUPIE!

Spell check

As usual, after typing out my last post (just minutes ago!) I did a spell-check. The system got to the word "cranial" and obviously didn't recognize it, because it gave me suggestions for replacing the word. The first three choices were:
"granola"
"caramel"
"granule"

I guess Mr. Gates and the MS staff were really hungry when they wrote the Windows XP system!

Requesting too much information!

Sad but true, the cloud of idiot gas (apologies to sierra) has enveloped the cranial space of my plant manager.
He came back to my department and asked Al, "Hey, where's Bart at?"
"He went to the bathroom."
The PM followed up with, "What's he doing?"

Why don't you go into the men's room and ask him???

*All names of my workers changed to protect the harmless, useless, mindless and the otherwise less

Thanks for nothing

OK, confession time. We had a problem with a late payment to our credit card at "company X." We received an automated message from them instructing us to call a toll-free number and enter a personal access code to retrieve a message from our creditors. When my wife did that, It gave her options to rectify the late-payment situation. The automated service instructed, "To pay electronically, please press '1.' To pay online, please press '2.' To sent a check via mail, OR if you have already sent a check in the mail, please press '3.'"
Since we had sent out a payment (albeit late), my wife pressed "3" and received the following contradiction.
"This is not an option. Please choose option 1 or option 2!"

NOT receiving a customer service award this year is company X!!!

A little late for that

Sadly, the war in Iraq has claimed the lives of a couple of local men. The local high school has a large marquee sign that posts a nice thought, but unfortunately, whoever placed the message there used the wrong words.
"Bless those who gave their lives for the cause of freedom."

Now, for my correct interpretation, to which I wholeheartedly agree: "We are blessed by those who give their lives for the cause of freedom."

May God grant comfort to the families of those brave men.

Did I really say that?

AAAGH! The stupidity bug bit me!

I was in the process of cleaning up a disaster area in the living room after my 20-month-old tornado went through, creating mayhem wherever he went. As I was picking up numerous toys and what-nots, I felt something had been stuffed under the area rug. As I picked up the one end, my wife asked me, "What did you find?"
I mindlessly, blathered, "Number 2!"

It was a foam manipulative digit.

What made it even more hilarious for my wife is that my son had just finished playing with the diaper wipes container!

Oh, is THAT all?

I started my second job today, and the guy training me told me about all the college football games he bet on yesterday. He stops, and thoughtfully calculates, "Hey, that's not bad! All those games, and I'm only $340 down!"

Hey, next time, instead of blowing your cash on a bookie, give it to me instead. I'll do something worthwhile with it!

Another stupid question

As was established in my posting "Dark side of the moon," my supervisor isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. One thing that illustrates that clearly is her annoying habit of coming up to me, watching what I'm doing for about 30 seconds, and then prattling off, "What are you working on right now?"

Well, "Jan," I'm writing the sequel to the Magna Carta while solving Africa's famine problems and singing "Rocky Mountain High" in three keys simultaneously. What are YOU working on?

Truth in advertising

My friend Pat told me this story of an eating experience he had in a nearby city. (Pat, you've gotta start blogging again, dude!)
He sees a sign that reads, "ALL YOU CAN EAT: $1.99." So he thinks, OK, sounds good! He goes in, pays the two bucks, and sits down, eagerly anticipating a great meal. The waitress brings out a platter with 2 eggs and hash browns on it.
Puzzled, Pat reminds the server, "Um, I paid $1.99 to get the all-you-can-eat deal."
Without batting an eyelash, the waitress states, "That IS all you can eat for a buck 99!"

What a bargain!

Welcome, needy people!

It's not uncommon to enter a town and see a sign with the town's name and a brief slogan, like "PODUNK: A nice place to live." Apparently, some municipalities haven't got the catchphrase thing down too well yet.
I recently passed a sign for a local town which read, "MAYFIELD. Help us to help you."

Translation: "MAYFIELD: a co-dependent community."

And for you grammar experts out there, we briefly dwelled in a lazy little town called Edneyville, NC. On the back side of the sign (the side you'd see if you were leaving) it read, "Ya'll come back!"

Um, it's YOU ALL. Not YA WILL.

Oh, what a tangled web we read!

My wife took the children to the library today. An old, shriveled woman who never was there before was serving as librarian. As my family went about their way getting new books to check out, a college-aged gal came in and asked, "Excuse me, do you have any books on spiders?"
"Why?" the librarian responded. "Are you having problems with them in your house?"
"No, they're for a school project," said the would-be borrower.
The aged lady drolled, "Oh, that's good. 'Cause you should call an exterminator."
"I don't like spiders," she finished.

What we have here is... failure to communicate!

More WNEP follies!

America's weatherman, WNEP-16's very own Tom Clark, described an environmental trend our region has been stuck in for over a week...

"We're still looking at this stationary front, which is very... (3-second pause) ...persistent... obviously. It's not moving. It's very stubborn."

Thank you, Mr. Webster, for that eloquent definition.

The dark side of the moon

THE STORY OF A WEIRD WORK SAGA

So I go to work today, and my supervisor takes making complete hell for the lives of me and my fellow department members to a new level. (I work in shipping and receiving for a uniform distribution center.) A truck full of cases comes in, so "Sam" goes to unload it. But first, he has to spend an hour trying to wake the driver, because the dude hadn't backed the trailer all the way to the bay door yet. Meanwhile, "Al" is working with me moving the stock from the back into our warehouse locations. "Joe" is on the shipping line, and "Bart" is sticking his thumb up his butt all day. Since Bart isn't handling the receiving, Sam has to double up and do that too. Oh, yeah, and Al has to double up and help Joe on the line, because the workload in shipping is so high. That leaves me to do all the stocking, maintenance and the reports. Then my super wants to have a 25 minute long meeting with us to describe the new time/activity recording sheets, which we already knew all about.
Bart's still playing Houdini... Oh, and we received twice as many shipments as usual. Hey, only 2 hours left to the end of the day! Let's have a 45-minute session describing benefits enrollment, which redundantly reads through all the information we all have at home! OK, back to work... WHAT? "The truck's not unloaded? Why not?"
Sam replies, "I've been handling all the trucks today. Of course it's not done!"
Where's Bart???
Then comes the kicker. 15 minutes left in my shift, and the super asks me, "Did you pull that special request grey pant that I needed?"
I had had enough. "No," I yelled back. "I didn't know there was a special request in, because I haven't had the chance to check the tickets in the computer because I've been running all over the place between stupid meetings!"
Now, if you were the super, how would you respond? Anger? Apology? Promise to pass that task onto the next shift? Nooooooooooo!
She smiles, and giggles. Yes, giggles.

In the words of Pink Floyd, "There's someone in my head, and it's not me!"
(OK, I know this wasn't something someone said per se, but it's still stupid!)

Viking pillaging

Looks like another pro athlete has proven that they have the gift of denial, but not reality.
According to a printed report by the Minneapolis Star Tribune, several Minnesota Vikings team members rented a couple of boats on a state lake. Purportedly, several women joined the Vikes in varying types of sexual activity. When addressed by the media, running back Mewelde Moore responded to the allegations as such:
"Yeah, I was on the boat. But I don't know what exactly the problem is because nothing happened. [I didn't] see anything... Sex? What are you talking about? That's crazy. Sex? Come on. Look, I'm engaged. So none of that. That will put me in trouble."

Yes, everyone knows that a diamond on a gal's finger also doubles as a chastity belt for men!

It's my hymn and I'll cry if I want to...

The dumbing-down of America has apparently extended to the church... Check out excerpts from this AP story:
A church pastor called deputies to remove 16 congregants who refused to stop singing as he tried to begin his sermon, according to a sheriff's report.
Pastor [N] reported a disturbance... to the Charlotte County (FL) sheriff's office when the group would not allow the... service to continue.
All 16 church members were issued trespass warnings and left the property without incident...
"Many things are wrong in the church," [one congregant] told deputies. "We don't want him to be the pastor."
[N] declined to comment to reporters Monday.
"I don't have much to tell you, just that we are preaching the word here," he said.
[One congregant] said she and the other 15 who received warnings will attend a different church...

"Oh, yeah? Well, it's my pulpit. Get out! Nyah-nya-nyah-nya-nyaaaah-nyaaah!"

Stupid Question streak

2 days in a row! Today, Bob Schieffer on the CBS Evening News asked, "With all the natural disasters taking place in the world, we must ask ourselves, 'Are these disasters happening because the world is changing? ...And more importantly, is this having a psychological affect on the rest of us?"

Oh, yes, I feel so light and frilly that thousands are dying! Yippee!
MORON.

Fungal yams

(What appropriate timing to all my Northern friends oot there, eh!)
On a whim, our family decided to go out to eat at a buffet place. As we were being seated, we heard a couple talking about one of the choices on the bar.
"Yeah, they've got those sweet potatoes with the mushrooms on top!"
"Mushrooms?"
"Yeah, mushrooms!!!"

So the next time you make s'mores, remember, it's grahams, chocolate, and mushroom!

There IS such a thing as a stupid question!

I don't remember exactly who it was, but I had to groan when I heard an NBC reporter "teasing" his piece on the avian flu by asking,
"Is the federal government ready for a flu pandemic?"

Yes, please send a virus to wipe out hundreds of thousands of our citizens. We're ready--bring it on!

Illogical politics

Our "beloved" city of Scranton, PA -- highlighted on the NBC comedy series "The Office"-- has again seen its leadership suffering from a chronic case of brain flaccidity. About 5 years ago, after MUCH debate, the city took out a huge loan to build a downtown (Hilton) hotel and convention center at an overall cost of $390M. After being in operation for less than 3 years, the Hilton filed for bankruptcy in lieu of $23M in unpaid debts. None of those debts were tax related, however, because the mayor and his counterparts decided to grant the property tax-free status for 10 years.
The hotel continued to operate, and was recently bought in a sheriff's sale by the creditors. So then the county commissioner (1 of 3 who serve in that role) steps in to save the day!!!
"Frankly, if the building is not functioning, we are not going to receive any taxes anyway." --County commissioner Robert Cordaro on the commissioners' unanimous vote to grant the Hilton an additional 10-year abatement on its building.

That's great. Pass the bill onto us taxpayers, who are having our pockets emptied to pay for a hotel that only fills to 53% capacity, has no conventions and no place for guests to park. Meanwhile, the hotel gets to go on for free, and STILL incurs a $23M deficit!

The Granddaddy of Conspiracy Theories!

First there was the grassy knoll. Then the informant(s) at Watergate. Now comes the greatest conspiracy theory of all time: The Japanese Yakuza is manipulating the weather of North America in retaliation for the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945!
I first heard about this absurd idea from Chuck Shepherd's "News of the weird." It told the story of meteorologist Scott Stevens, who quit his job at KPVI to pursue the "truth" about this massive environmental cover-up. He created a website @ www.weatherwars.info/ which addresses this. But I still wanted to get to the primary source of this crazed speculation. Mr. Stevens referenced the web link of Tom Bearden @ www.cheniere.org/articles/ and THERE IT WAS, under the title "Scalar Electromagnetic Weapons and Their Terroristic Use: Immediate Strategic Aspects of the asymmetric War on the U.S." Here's a small sample...
So in early 1990, the weather engineering operations over North America were assumed from the FSB/KGB by the Yakuza/Aum Shinrikyo teams... The weather engineering against the U.S. continues today under the rogue Japanese teams on site in Russia, with direct FSB/KGB supervision.
In 2004 we have entered the 2-year "final preparation phase." These operations have been intensified and will continue to be intense, wreaking great economic damage. Hurricanes Charlie, Frances, Ivan, Jeanne (and now Katrina) etc. have been no exception to the Yakuza weathering engineering, which included directly influencing and controlling each hurricane's power and behavior, as well as directing its course and speed so as to choose its targeting path. Indeed, Ivan did a 180 degree turn (no it didn't! It only turned about 100 degrees northward.), and Jeanne did a 360 degree loop before reaching Florida, demonstrating the degree of control available.
Ah, yes. we have no cure for the common cold, no plan to combat global warming and an inability to eliminate starvation in Africa. But we can use gigantic electromagnetic machines which nobody can see to change wind currents, isobars, barometric pressure and precipitation potential to an area roughly the size of Texas, all from half a world away!!!
Did I mention this Stevens dude quit his well-paying, high-profile job to tell the world the truth, which he accepts solely on the basis of one wack-job who has probably constructed this "theory" as a publicity stunt to get rich???

"Who is more foolish, the fool or the one who follows him?" --Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars IV

Blitzkrieg evangelism

Today, my friend Pat--who confesses he has an incredible ability to attract wierdos-- was making a (soft drink) delivery to a local convenient store. He handed the statement of receipt to the store manager to sign. When he got it back, it was folded in half, so he unfolded it to check for the signature. A gospel tract fell out. Pat bent over to pick it up, and noticed the title, something like, "Why You Could Be In Danger of Going To Hell." The manager gleamed, "Yeah, I put that in there."
"Oh. OK," responded Pat.
The manager continued, "And now, since you accepted it, you have to read it, or you will go to hell."

As Pat said, "I didn't accept it. He hid it in the receipt!"
My response: yeah, dude, we all know how God has personally entrusted you and you alone with the power of salvation!

More political ineptness

"It's a risk, but progress takes risks."
--Carbondale (PA) city councilman Paul Browne, joining his cohorts in a unanimous vote to borrow $2.9M to put toward the construction of a parking garage in the city's [very rapidly] declining downtown.

You've got businesses closing left and right, with no new ones coming in, and a garage is progress? Oh, yes, I want to go to Carbondale to park in the garage. Never mind there's nowhere for me to go there!

--Thanks to the Scranton Times-Tribune, printed on 9/30/05

Redundant Repetition

I was forced to listen to a Country radio station at work today. (Apologies to my friends in Alberta, but Country just isn't my bag!) I chuckled when the DJ came on at the completion of a song...
"Toby Keith here on J-R 93-7, your home for new country and the legends. Coming up next we have more new country and the legends as well!"

...Say it a few more times, and I'm sure I'll understand what you play on air!