This past summer, our family briefly lived on the second-story of a house, right above "Ahab" and "Jezebel." They were an older couple who wanted nothing to do with anyone. Along with that fact, I believe (not saying this humorously, but most soberly) Jezebel was mentally ill. Though her behavior often caused major problems, it also created situations that one couldn't help but laugh at.
Jezebel loved to garden. I think it was her way of trying to clear her head and relax. Unfortunately, she wasn't all that good at it. Most anything she planted looked great for a couple of weeks before succumbing. Perhaps why this happened was because of a product she was misusing. "Preen" is a complex fertilizer, and on the bag, instructions are clearly given to use only once-per-week. However, Jezebel seemed to think it was like plant food, and smeared the stuff on in thick, liberal coatings above the mulch daily. Not only did her plants fail to survive, but it produced a stench, much like a sewer, that filled the air, particularly on hot days... Which was almost every day this last year!
Jez finally noticed the odor a few weeks later while sitting on her front porch with her daughter. "Lanie," she bemoaned, "I don't understand it. My flower beds STINK!"
Lanie, who was the female version of Terrell Owens (see last post), always had an answer for everything. It just wasn't ever the right one.
"Spread mothballs on them," she decided.
"Mothballs??" shrieked Jezebel. "What is THAT gonna do?"
Lanie retorted, "The camphor will neutralize the nitrates in the soil and eliminate the odor."
Oh, you must be referring to the new and improved odorless mothballs that DON'T cause asphyxiation... AND doesn't poison the soil when rained upon!
What a braintrust THAT was.
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2 comments:
My dad was having trouble with skunks taking up residence under his house. He heard that putting mothballs out would keep them out. His house has smelled like mothballs for the last year. It is really nasty!
An important person in my life used to put my Christmas gift in an old trunk that once belonged to a Grandparent. Apparently the grandparent stored mothballs in the old trunk with the priceless belongings.
My chocolates always smelled and reeked of mothballs. Not so appetizing, but being a chocoholic I ate them anyways. Chocolate is chocolate afterall.
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