Yet another unfortunate bathroom experience

As I previously mentioned, public restrooms are the worst, especially for men. What could possibly be worse? Oh, yeah, the restroom at work!
Last week, I had to pause from my duties to "do my duty." So, again, off to the worst place in the world I go. Seeing as how my work place employs over 80 people, there is more than one toilet in the facility. Thank God for stall walls, at least! However, while they provide some privacy, they do not block the penetration of odiferous bodily emanations. That's unpleasant enough, but then as I got ready to take my seat upon the porcelain throne, "Sam" called over from the next stall to proclaim, "Dude, I wouldn't stay in here if I were you."

Several responses flowed through my mind to retort to that bit of mindless blather.
1) "Oh, thanks for the warning. I don't trust my sense of smell."
2) "That's OK. I enjoy breathing in toxic waste!"
3) "Nah, it could be worse. At least this isn't a gas station on the interstate!"
4) "So why are YOU still here? Oh, that's right, you're rotting over there!!!"
5a) "You think I WANT to be in here with you???"
5b) "I can't imagine coming in here unless I know you're here already!"
6) "Just you wait another minute or two."
7) "So what's it like after death? No, wait, don't tell me, because I'm about to join you."

Would someone please inform the entire male population of the world that it is completely UNCOUTH to talk to another man in the bathroom?!