Getting to the seat of the problem

A few years ago, I worked for a major telecommunications company in the directory assistance department. Not only did I take calls from customers, providing them phone numbers, I also worked as mid-management, documenting time records, handling payroll, calculating employee work adherence, etc. I sat in the front of the office on a small, slightly elevated platform performing these duties.
One day, one of my co-workers innocently got up from taking calls to use the facilities. "Dee" was a very large, unkempt, loud, often-unbathed and socially aloof creature. I dreaded any interchange of wordage with her. Anyway, I saw her go out the office door, and thought nothing else of it, attending to my work. ...Until...
A few minutes later, Dee waddled back into the office with a ferocious anger scarring her already frightening face. It wasn't the waddle of a large person; no, this gait had pain written all over it. My assistant "Keila" and I fearfully awaited her approach as she made a bee-line toward my desk. Then, as 80+ employees are trying to service their customers on the phone lines, Dee blurted out, "The cleaning lady just finished up in the ladies' room, and the cleaning solution burned my @$$!!!"
I sat stunned at what I, and everyone else, had just heard.
Keila burst out laughing.
Keila actually had to go and file an accident report and submit it to our boss.

...But wait, there's more!

The next day, Dee hobbled into the office at the start of her shift and informed us, "Well, I had to go to the doctor, and he prescribed a special topical cream. I need help putting it on! I can't reach back there!"

Well, DON'T look at me!
The story you have just read is true. Only the names were changed to protect the innocent and the bizarre. Really. I have witnesses.